Clever

by dbdevilliers

The world’s fucked up
never really been up for dispute
but I doubt the world’s got much to do with it
if I’m fucked up
and I’m glad for that
it really is nice not starving
but isn’t it weird the way
easy life can be so goddamned hard
and here I hate my petty problems and I hate my stillborn failures
I hate my weakness and my fear and my anger and my hate
and I really fucking hate these clever little contradictory life paradoxes about
how ease is somehow difficult
I really do
which is a shame because I think I’m pretty good at coming up with them
used to amuse me but anymore they’re mostly
kind of cruel
all cute and succinct
an ego thing, maybe, like some very mild targetless sort of bullying—
I invite you to imagine me
sitting at a desk
in a room
anno domini twenty and eighteen
slamming right the carriage return lever after that line
cold coffee, stale cigarette smoke
smug little self-satisfied smile
being clever
being really clever

I bet you can see it
it’s been an easy image to cultivate, really
I just tell everyone I meet I’m a writer and that’s that
carry around a little notebook, never use it
mispronounce the names of philosophers misquoting books I’ve never read
probably thinks he’s lost, broken, unfit, unique just like everyone else
and no shit he just did it again with the paradoxes
can’t even help himself I bet
only he didn’t come up with that one himself
got it from a movie or a TV show or something
ah plagiarism old friend glad to see you glad to
and but wait was he trying to make some kind of cogent point here?
I’m not sure
but I feel better now
paper’s cheap
and anyway
I wrote this on a screen.