Anhedoniac

by dbdevilliers

I don’t feel
but I remember what it’s like
and I don’t know but
I can remember what it’s like—
felt this way for a long time
longer than I can remember,
felt nothing
any which way at all
and it’s pretty fucking hard to live
when you just don’t care
I just
don’t
care
not about anything
nothing at all.
It’s not living
not alive;
I’m breathing
thinking, doing, being
but I’m not alive, not living.

I’m tired.
I am.